Are you hoping that he will want to come round? I enquired – No comment she smilingly replied. As I walked towards where I knew I would meet John, I...wondered why Margaret had suppressed the thoughts she had rediscovered after so long and what our married lives would have been like if those desires had surfaced earlier. Maybe my inability to give her a child could have been mitigated by the repeated attempts of a black man taking my place and knocking her up. Control your dirty thoughts, I told. I stared down at my beer, still un-tasted. Caz pulled up a bar-stool and sat beside me. Gently, he touched my hand. Then he echoed my own thoughts; "We are the same, aren't we, you and I?"A thousand emotions washed over me. "I very much doubt it," I said angrily."Hey, come on Andie. We're survivors. We've faced up to worse terrors than those turds at the pool-table ever have." Terrors!" I spat, and it all came out, all the bile, all the fear. Things I had never admitted to anyone, never mind a. She needed Alan to be there for her, and it was better to have Suzy think that Alan was dating Pauline than to have her on the prowl for him. ‘Anyway, Pauline’s a virgin, so Alan would have plenty of energy left to satisfy me after their dates,’ Kate thought. ‘I’m going to encourage both of them to start dating again.’ She had no way of knowing that Alan and her sister already had planned a date for that night. * * * She ended her conversation with Suzy as she pulled up to Alan’s house, pleased. I had been there before. Her dad greeted me at the door and led me into the library when Kyra was logging into the program. I sat beside her and waited. While I sat there, I noticed something different about Kyra. Instead of the normal baggy pants and tops that she wore to school, she was wearing a pair of cotton shorts and a long sleeve t-shirt. I continued to examine her. Her legs were long and toned. They reminded me of Alyssa’s, only darker. Her feet were bare, and the pink nail polished.
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