I don't need any more practice," I said, determined to submerge my feelings.Julia didn't try to persuade me to continue our practice and, when she inv...ted me for a sleepover, I made some excuse. I didn't trust myself to sleep in the same bed with her.Wanting to talk to someone about the stirring I felt while kissing Julia and not wanting to discuss my feeling with my mom, I called Phyllis. She was home from college and happy to meet with me. She came to my house on the pretense of watching me. "So which one?"I searched through my collection and pulled out the little silver sequineddress. She took it from my hand and held it up against herself."Well you have good taste."I replied, "Well actually, Evie picked that one out for me."She nodded. "I would love to see it on."I grinned. "It's probably a bit big for you."She shook her head. "No not on me, on you silly."I blushed and almost fainted. I felt my legs turn to jelly."I don't think that's a good idea Luce. Remember what happened last. "It doesn't really frighten you, does it?" It's a lot like being in the middle of something that has no beginning and no end. And that movie -- now I have to learn about the theater all over again. From scratch. All of this... it just keeps going, doesn't it? It never stops." Oh, it stops. At around 4 A.M., for an hour or so."In her apartment as we prepared for bed, Martha told me about the schedule for tomorrow. I had Fiore at ten, and Ronnie would meet me at noon where she worked at 33rd and. She cried but her voice remained steady, quiet and tender."Please Penny; tell me what I didn't tell you." You know who I am. You know who I really am." I'm learning, Penny. You're a complicated woman."She laughed, this time without restraint. Though brief, laughing through tears broke my heart. "You can say that again," she said. "Say my name." Penny." Say my real name." You are Penny to me," I said truthfully."I want to hear what my real name sounds like from the one man in my life who made me.
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